..My bedroom looks like a pigsty. It looks like I’ve had fun. There has been nothing animalistic or fun about the activities in my room this morning. I was rudely awoken about 6.15 by unusual sounds of something whining in my ear….followed by a warm, moist tongue. It was Lily, crying to get off the bed. Every other morning she can manage absolutely fine…but today, for some reason she decides she can’t….like a petulant child. I have no choice but to stagger out of bed and put her out….followed by Maddie, the black Labrador (eyore in disguise!). Its snowing outside, large flakes. Lily shakes and once again is on vibrate mode. I wander naked to the toilet and thank God for underfloor heating in the bathroom despite constant whinging from ‘him’ about the running cost….The dogs are now clawing to come in. Lily looks bedraggled and pathetic, Maddie resembles a dalmatian!

Any other day I would get back in bed but I have sweat so much in the night and I’m so awake now that I decide on two things……no.1 this is going to be a ‘Good’ day….and no. 2….oh why not change the sheets!!!! (or I shall get back in and not move till 10am!)

The Hermit
The Hermit represents the need to distance yourself from the people and events in your life that are causing undue strain on your emotions. There are times in your life when seclusion and isolation are warranted. The Hermit is a card of discovery and enlightenment, which can only develop by spending time alone with your thoughts. Your energy will be depleted quickly in social situations.

Oh how bloody prophetic!!! After the last few day’s I’ve had, a ‘tarot’ card of the day sums it up on my facebook account……Spending time alone with your thoughts…..oh yessssss…..JUST what I need. Thoughts and several bottles of champagne. Lets really not go down that road again. I think I might just take that damn ‘Tarot’ prophecy off my page. No I won’t, I shall keep it there for fun…….and of course I’m a sucker for that stuff…it’s a woman thing!

I’m responsible for my life….ME. no one else. I can do whatever I want to do. I’ve been dithering for so long, waiting for something to happen. Well its never going to happen if you sit and wait for it. You have to go out and find your inspiration. Inspiration doesn’t find you. Life doesn’t find you. Life is YOU. If you’re not happy, no one can be happy.

Its been very cathartic. From not being able to see the wood for the trees, suddenly actually the trees were what I should have been focusing on all the time. I didn’t look around me…I was too busy looking for a way out, different avenues to go down….a dissatisfied life.

I’ve made some personal progress. After almost 2 years in the wilderness, events over the last week have concentrated my mind somewhat. Its time to move on. A new beginning. Alone…..of sorts. I am going to be moving away and will live alone for a while. Maybe it will stay that way forever…who knows. I just can’t live the lie any longer. Its hard but its for the best and I feel happier with my decision, but I know that as the days go on, ‘he’ will try to hijack my plans…….I am ready for that….but am I strong enough to resist….time will tell. He’s already manipulating. You see, his dream involves me. He can see that if he’s clever he can twist my plan ever so slightly and it could suit both………..but we’ll be back to square one. Two people living in a remote location with nothing in common. I’m already doubting aren’t I…………

Maybe I just want my cake and to eat it too???

Talking of cake…..the Waitrose brioche and marzipan thingy (Thursday 20^th March) FAB!!! Well, I didn’t actually assemble it in quite the same style…..more ’slab’ like…but it was delicious none the less…..oh and also I didn’t use the ‘waitrose lemon 100% fruit marmalade’ that I couldn’t get….nor did I go to ‘manky Tesco’ to get something similar! I used something completely different (strawberry & raspberry compote). Nor did I use Greek yoghurt. Come to think of it, it didn’t much resemble the original recipe…… but my tummy didn’t know that….nor did those of my guests!!! Nobody complained…….and I don’t have any brioche left for today either….more’s the pity.

Charlotte texts me “do you think you could do my hair later” oh yes…..here we go again. Another 2 hours gone. Its been years since that was my profession but unfortunately nobody lets me forget it….and without wanting to blow my own trumpet…I’m damn good, even now. I could’ve gone far, but once again, LOVE distracted me. Hey ho….another thing put down to experience.

Lucy is in Wales…she’s happy. I spent time late last night chatting to her and her boyfriend online. Thank God for MSN  she’s so funny, and has more to say than when I talk on the phone to her….more open too….its a revelation. I’ve learnt from her too. She’s a good girl and I’m so proud of both of my girls. Mummy loves you <3 x

The bed needs making…..The dinner needs cooking….The accounts need doing….I have peoples wages to pay……..I have to find a house…..I have to sell my house…..I have to book flights……I have a concert to organise…..I have friends to call……I have letters to write…….I have a sympathy card to send…….I have emails to reply to……..I have washing to do…….I have ironing to do……..I’m still not dressed

Sod it, I’m walking the dogs…..

(And still I patiently await a ‘bold’ mail <3)