Forgive me Father for I have sinned.  Although I’m not particularly religious, I do feel my conscience pricking ever so slightly…..

You see, I have succumbed to the evils of the media.  I know I never thought I would, and I always maintained that I would grow old gracefully but I’ve lied….and I’m not!   I’m hoping to grow old incredibly disgacefully and my deception has already begun.  

So…here is my confessional;   I play with myself…..NO NO NO!!!     Don’t choke on the biscuits that you’re dunking, spill your coffee or knock over your JD and ice…… although I bet your eyes are bulging and you can’t read quick enough     I play with PHOTOGRAPHS.  I have discovered the wonderful art of photoshop….cropping, glowing, tinting, softening etc.    Yes, I knew they all existed but to be honest I’ve never really needed them before, or should I say….I’ve never really needed to know how it all works before neither could I be bothered to actually learn.   But now that I’ve got a little knowledge, its a dangerous tool, and one that I intend to use at every opportunity to suit.

Yes the picture in the header is me, but thank God it was cropped because you can’t actually see the double chins the bingo wings or the cellulite!  I like pictures where I am laid across a bed….of course I do,  IT STRETCHES OUT THE FAT!   Be kind to me….I’m mature now for Gods sake  

I don’t  think i’d go quite so far as the Kate Winslet ‘leg’ saga but having legs that are only about 2ft long, I am seriously tempted to do some stretching.   And, just as long as it doesn’t involve me going near to an aerobic class, gym, step class or anything else that might stretch my delicate skin….then I’m all for it.   No longer is the technology just for the rich and famous film stars of Hollywood, but mere mortals can look airbrushed to perfection (okay okay….maybe not quite perfection, but you get the gist!) and if used correctly, its an enhancement isn’t it?  Is there any harm covering up a rogue spot or two, or distorting the edges of a picture to blur the parts you don’t want someone to see?   An artist doesn’t always paint what he sees, but what he believes should be there, or not, as the case may be……….

So, is it really a deception?  Do people see what they want to see anyway?   DOES anyone actually notice?   

 

 

The top picture is the original…untouched version, and the one below has been cropped and softened….slightly …..Do you think i’m getting the hang of it?

I should be punished shouldn’t I……nice cherries though