There was a time when I regularly used to drink 4 litres of water per day. Yes, I’m not exaggerating, seriously 4 litres! How on earth I could have consumed this amount, is today quite beyond me. It was whilst dieting…oh what a surprise for you all, a woman that diets! It is a hideous amount and far beyond the bounds of ‘normality’, however, it was all for the good of a ‘lighter life’. This was also supplemented with 3 equally scrumptious ‘meals’ of yet more liquid in the form of soup or milk shake. Hmmm….milk shake…the term should be used very loosely.   Trades Descriptions might have a field day on that score…Starbucks frappuccino this definitely isn’t!   However, that said, the total effect of water logging after 100 days (the sign up period) was a weight loss of 3 ½ stones, so I really shouldn’t complain too much. It did what it said, and a bit that it didn’t say… my hair falling out and bad breath!  Since that time I have now gained 1 ½ stones and every day I think…hmmm…more water needed fat cow!   But I struggle with it (the water, not being a fat cow!) The most I seem to manage now is a measly 1 litre at best. Tea, coffee and other soft drinks aren’t counted into the liquid intake quota….purely water.

HOWEVER….as soon as night falls and I am fast asleep….HELLOOOOOOO WAKEY WAKEY…Drinky poo time! My body goes into a state that I can only describe as ‘stranded in a desert’ mode…and my tongue is akin to that of a cat, and is firmly stuck to the roof of my mouth. So, every night, without fail I swig my way through 750ml of water, which I drink as though my life depended upon it. I do have a rather lovely water decanter and glass to use, but my vial of choice is straight from the bottle…like a baby sucking hungrily from its mother. I don’t like the plastic bottles, they aren’t pretty, they don’t look nice at the side of the bed, but I don’t spill them anymore!   Now, when you suck heavily on a plastic bottle, they crinkle very quickly and make a loud cracking noise. But not last night…….. Oh no. Last night, well approximately 3.30am this morning when I eventually went to bed (excitement can be so annoying) I needed drink. I started vigorously sucking at the bottle, and as I let go…..it ‘popped’. Not a discreet little ‘pop’ as it sounds but a fuck off BANG like someone firing a starting pistol!! ‘R’ sat bolt upright in bed thinking we were under attack…..poor little Lily backflipped off the end of the bed in her haste to get the intruder, Maddie appeared at the door with her tail between her legs, cowering and wanting comfort, but Reggie that had been asleep on the floor of the ensuite, could barely lift his eyes, let alone his head!

I shall have to adapt my sucking method to a more genteel style in future……