Whatever is in the water at that pool, I don’t know, but I’m sure that my breasts take on a whole new appearance….I kid you not, but they appear as if someone has pumped them up like a couple of  inflatable balls and this week…OMG…they were almost coming up to my chin!   The effects of the pool are bad enough but I had bought a new swimsuit from M & S too.    I was persuaded to buy it because it has a proper underwired bra in it (so much nicer for big girls) and also ‘tummy control’.   My God, has it got its work cut out with me then!  My theory (after today, and carefully worked out en route home…) is that the elastic tummy control panel is engineered in such a way that the panelling moulds everything upwards……..including my already voluptuous assets. If you are small breasted, this would be great, but with ample assets of a Diva…hmmmm I think your eyes pop out…literally!

New Swimsuit. This bears no likeness to how this looks on ME! Purely for illustative purposes only

As I sat wallowing in what has now become known as ‘champagne corner’ (its my ‘resting’ corner…..) because it has a single air vent blowing bubbles a la champagne style…you could hardly call it a Jacuzzi.  It also has its name because I do very little there except sit and chat and think about drinking champagne! I think its incredibly mean of the NHS not to provide a little afternoon delight in some form or another, and champagne or mojito time would definitely aid the healing process…and of course spur on the hydro session

Self inflating Diva!

They’d all be up for it….especially that James. James is one of the therapists too. Very quiet, lovely Irish James…BUT….I think James is really quite wicked and has a dark little streak. It was the glint in his eye that twinkled during a brief bit of banter about a session in the pool with balls….and cracking the whip! Hmmm…innocence my arse. They say the quiet ones are the worse. I’m going to have to keep a close eye on James!! He’s in cahoots with Peter I think…..or maybe Peter is leading him astray……

I missed last weeks water play due to ‘R’ having an unfortunate accident and landing up at the A & E department.   I wondered how much quieter it was in my forced absence, however, from what I understand after today’s session, I don’t think the mayhem was much alleviated by the disappearing Diva because its not really me that causes it…its that Peter!!!

So, I finish my session today and despite my intention of being a quickie…its still an hour (its supposed to be 20 mins).  There are 2 showers located adjacent to the pool, but in the aisle. They have just a shower curtain as the ‘door’ but its never worried me in the past…….. I always take my towel, toiletries etc with me to the pool so that I don’t have to go back to the changing room. So, I go to the first shower. Last time I was there this one wasn’t working, however….Peter had used it before getting into the pool today, so I knew it was okay…..

…… I turn on the shower…..and strip off…NAKED…(bright pink pubic hair glowing) and wait for the water to warm up. I step in and it is FFFFFFFFreeeeezing!!!!!!! Despite being on the highest setting, the water is barely one tepid.     OMG, I shrieked.          Barbara who sorts out the appointments comes running, thinking something terrible has happened….pulls back the curtain and there is me naked!!!

So she gets a full eyeful!   Poor Barbara, doesn’t know where to look, and is fiddling around with the control and turns it colder, which I didn’t think was possible!! The few people in the pool can hear the commotion…Barbara is getting wetter and I’m freezing, and still naked.   Reluctantly we gave up and resolved ourselves to the fact there was a problem and that maintenance would need to be called.   So I washed off the remaining shower gel with icy cold water, and wrapped my towel around my now blue skin, and rubbed vigorously in an attempt to get some blood flowing to warm me!

As I poked my head around the corner, I could see Peter laughing cheekily…….WHODUNNIT!