Posted by: purplediva | May 31, 2008

Come fly with me……


26th May 2008

‘Oh thank God…I HATE children’ she proclaims….loudly.  For all to hear, around and about.  She reminds me of the child catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.  Rubbing her hands in glee, and with a tell tale glint in her eye.  She’s a mean woman…close little beady eyes, thin lips and badly permed hair……the tell tale signs are there.   I smiled, smuggly.  Boy, was she in for a surprise!

The child catcher and her long suffering husband took their seats next to Rich.   His face told the whole story of their life together.  He was defeated.  Like George and Mildred, Hyacinth and Richard, Mrs Thatcher and Dennis….yin and yang…..maybe the perferfect couple?  Her bum had barely touched the seat before she decided that she ought to use the toilet.  People were still boarding, and she couldn’t give a damn….her need was greater.    She barged her way past the oncoming passengers with such indifference, that I thought not only are men from mars and women are from venus….but this woman was from Uranus….full of gas and up her own arse and removed from the rest of civilisation (well if she wasn’t she damn well should be)  Over the next couple of days my thoughts were reinforced as her mood didn’t soften when she moaned constantly at every opportunity. 

Then it started.   Demon child had been an angel for the 20 minutes we were boarding.  Now we were sat on the runway and had been delayed, it had awoken with a vengeance.  Demon child was seated directly behind child catcher….how unfortunate (said whilst laughing in a horror movie kind of cackle :-))))))  It had the kind of shriek that went through to your very core…the kind of noise that is akin to the screech you get when you hear fingernails on a chalkboard.  irritating and sickening to say the least. 

Although it was annoying, the child was only a year old and you have to make allowances for teething, poohey nappies, poorly tummies etc.  Child catcher didn’t, and moaned under her breath for nearly 3 whole hours, whilst demon child wailed for  said 3 whole hours!!!   I had my ipod….but,  being nosey I had to keep taking one earplug out to listen to child catchers moans!  so amusing.  At one point, she stuffed tissues into her ears.  It would have been more useful had she stuffed the tissues into her mouth 🙂

In front of Richard was Douglas and his wife.   They are an elderly couple, maybe in their late 70’s.   Douglas doesn’t remember getting on the plane…he was in his own world.  I’m sure it was a wonderful place and he was very happy there!   In his day he was a ladies man.  He attempted his old chat up lines with the stewardesses, that smiled sweetly and pacified him with pleasantries.  His wife was rather sweet but she wears the trousers.  I think she’s of german descent and is obviously a strong woman.  She’s still very elegant, well groomed and well dressed.  Discreetly wealthy, although Douglas is dishevelled….but he doesn’t care……Fabulous attitude!

He reclines his seat, covers his eyes with his eye mask and puts a blanket over himself.  He’s VERY comfortable and ready for his transatlantic flight…..only its not….it’s only a 3 hour flight, and we’re already 2 hours into it and we’ve had our meal!

I’m so glad he’s comfortable….Richard isn’t….he can barely move.   Douglas’ seat is inches from Richards face!

Demon child is still screaming and child catcher is still moaning…..oh, and where am I???   I’m not quite sure how the checking agents managed it, although I wasn’t about to complain 🙂  we checked in together and were early but weren’t seated together.  We were sat either side of the aisle.  It suited me just fine, especially now!….my travelling companions were a lovely couple, although i did wonder if they would think the same of me…..time to turn up the ipod and hone my humming.  Nothing quite like hearing the base of someones else’s R ‘n’ B music……and their out of tune humming along with it 😉


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