Posted by: purplediva | December 16, 2008

The annual event – Penguin Baiting…..

Today was the annual unravelling of the Christmas tree lights event. All 15 sets of them. Firstly though we had to endure the delights of the loft. For most people this wouldn’t be too traumatic, however….for us this is quite an ordeal. The girls are certain that the loft is haunted!!! I must say that there are some very weird noises that come from there in the middle of the night, but I’m sceptical that our ghost actually lives in the loft (hmmm….yes we do have a ghost…..)

The other problem is that our loft isn’t where most peoples is. Well, seeing that this is ‘me’ it wouldn’t be would it!!! I live in a bungalow where the loft has been converted so now there is very little actual accessible ‘loft’ space. The previous owners did the conversion….badly. We are still putting it right, gradually. One major problem is the actual size of the door to the said space. It is about the right size for a leprachaun to enter and exit. We don’t have any of those in our house to help with getting things in and out of the loft! Or maybe a contortionist. Of which i’m not….although, I’m pretty good after a few glasses of champagne, but i was hoping for an early start and hadn’t planned a champagne breakfast 🙂

So I sent R in there instead 😉 His instructions were very clear. Retrieve the Christmas decorations. Now I KNOW that last year, I placed them neatly into little individual bags, and then placed those bags within a larger bag. All the gold baubles together….bronze together…..dragonflies together… together……ivy garlands together…..lights in one bag. ….etc. You get the picture?? I’m organised. Pretty well organised, so i think. But on retrieving the BAGSSSSSS …….as they seemed to have multiplied over the past 11 1/2 months, I am beginning to think that maybe we do have a leprechaun or ghost that lives in there. Now either R has done this for a laugh or someone is playing a trick on me…..but it looks like someone has done a backflip with them all in hand and has tipped them out and then thrown them all back in to random bags!!! I just KNOW I didn’t put them away like that last year……I KNOW it! I’m so p’d off with it all, that I can’t even face the thought of starting to decorate the house. For today they can all stay in the dining room and i’ll attempt it tomorrow.

I’ve sent R out for a Christmas tree….a real one. Again, he got instructions…….Tall, slim and good looking, firm, upright, slightly greying, well proportioned and not too bushy……. I didn’t think it was too much to ask for 😉 and was rather hoping that George Clooney was loitering around Poplars garden centre…(oh how delicious to have him in my stocking!) Note the first thing on the instruction list was….TALL….. R didn’t go alone…oh no…D went too, to make sure they chose the right one………

R doesn’t follow instructions too well (as I later found out when he cooked dinner…but i’m grateful he cooked!) and the tree was not too much taller than me, and I’m only 5 ft 2″. He said “It’ll be alright with a star on it” Bloody good job i’ve got one then! Still, I suppose in his defence, he was rather distracted by the *penguins that greeted him on his arrival at the garden centre. He was so amused by their presence that he felt compelled to send me a picture by the magic technology of his mobile phone that he’s now managed to work out how to use. My reply was “Ha Ha…now fuck off and get the tree” ….You can see it was a bad day and I wasn’t in the mood for yet more penguin capers.

After a fractious day to say the least, ‘the’ tree is bundled in through the house. Now I have to give R credit where its due, the tree is bushy, which I am pleased at. One year I bought a tree and the week before Christmas it was a twig! anything resembling green was permanently embedded in my lounge carpet for at least the next 4 months, and every time you walked past you had to hold your breath as you feared more needles would fall! and God forbid anyone slamming the door or a waft of air!!. Not so with this sturdy rugged bugger…its as round as it is tall. The problem with the dimensions and shape of said tree is that where its going to be positioned in the pride of place in the drawing room (lounge at any other time of year!) which is……..IN A CORNER, BEHIND THE SOFA…… means that you aren’t actually going to see anything other than the top 2ft of the tree, which as you know aren’t actually known for being the bushiest part of fir/spruce trees…….hmmmm……hence my request for TALL….are you feeling my frustration yet??? Soooo, the tree is in place. Picture the scene, and conversation and my very very grumpy face. As it is, i’ve had to do a bit of DIY topiary to shape the tree into a corner shape so that it fits into the corner of the room 🙂 but it just looks lost….it needs raising. I stand there and just look…..I can’t begin to put anything on this pitiful tree and now i want to stuff it into the garden. If only I could get it through the patio doors without anyone noticing its gone!

“Well we could put it on something if you want it higher” R says, trying to be helpful.

“What” I growled back in disgust, and flashed a look of pure disdain which said ‘if only you’d bought it the right height etc etc etc’

“How high do you want it?” He asks

“Err…..another 2ft at least…..the height I asked you to get in the first place” (I never miss an opportunity 😦 )

I’ll go and look” says R……and wanders off to the mousetrap (the garage!)

He comes back in with a cat travel basket and a circular table top…..ingenious. Now i’ve got to go upstairs and find damn fabric to cover this with because it will be visible and I don’t want you to see white plastic basket….I mean, its okay for taking the cat to the vets in, but Purrrlllleeeeaaaasssseeeee!! It raises the tree to required height and now looks ‘aesthetically pleasing’. Now I can finally set about unravelling the lights…Its going to be a LONG night. I’m opening the wine.

Update on Ronnie

Well he’s doing well and has responded to heart medication and has had one operation to have tube put into his bladder. He has a problem with his kidneys but its possibly some complication of the medication. The next 24 hours should let us know and then if all is okay the vets are hoping to amputate his tail in next 24 hours and are then hopeful that he can come home later this week as long as he is eating okay (which he isn’t currently), maybe Thurs or Friday. Fantastic news. Guess where the cat basket is…………………………..

*Penguin story

For those of you that don’t know there may be references throughout my blogs to penguins. I have an affinity with penguins. Purely by chance. This is by way of explanation;

It was New Years Eve 1999/2000 and we’d been invited to a party. We weren’t going as we knew we’d have to drive and didn’t want the drink/drive dilemma and dedicated driver aggravation as the party was 35 miles away. As the date got nearer we were persuaded that maybe we should go, but then were told ‘its fancy dress’…..panic set in! With two teenagers adamant that they weren’t going in fancy dress, we declined. On 30th it got the better of us, and we decided that as it was a really special night, we SHOULD go….. So, the girls went to the local fancy dress hire shop and spent 3 hours or so trying on different outfits. By the time we got there the owners were p’d off with the girls! R saw his outfit straight away and picked it and tried it on….perfect fit etc. Batman….but if he thought for one moment that I was going as Robin, he could think again! The girls had their costumes (Abba) so, it was down to me. Now, back then I was a ‘large’ girl….I still am to some degree, but not quite like i was then. I had thought that I would go as a serving wench or Nell Gwynn or something of that ilk, however, those type of things had either gone or didn’t fit my ample bosom….or rest of my frame! With the staff getting more and more irritated by our presence, I asked them to bring something that might fit me…….they did. A penguin outfit!!!! Yes, a full blown penguin outfit….complete with penguin beak, and feet…..I could even ‘waddle’ in it. So that’s what ‘La Diva’ went to the party as…..somehow I don’t quite remember the penguin in batman looking quite like that though!!!

When it was my 40th birthday, several people came in penguin headmasks to my party….and I get sent penguin jokes, penguin cards, penguin puppets…..penguin pictures……etc etc etc……and when any family member sees a penguin, they automatically think of me 🙂 oh how cute……NOT!!!!

The Final Straw

Darling daughter comes in this evening after i’ve spent the past 24 hours wrestling with decorations and tree to appease them.  The house now has  decorations in various living rooms…Drawing room, small lounge, dining room, kitchen, hall,  and say’s “Is that it?”  “Where are the rest of the decorations”?

If you don’t see a blog for a few weeks I suggest you scour the local papers to see if anyone has had sight of a penguin attempting a bungee jump without the bungee from Clifton Suspension Bridge!

Ho Bloody Ho…….


  1. Welcome back 🙂 hope Ronnie pulls through okay.

  2. So how was the tree did it stay up?

    Hope you Have a Happy New Year

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