Posted by: purplediva | January 1, 2010

‘and I’m feeling GOOD……..’


Now BREATHE!!!  Take a deep breath, in and out…..in and out…and with each breath, feel your body R E L A X ………………

Okay, I admit it, I’ve sulked.  For the past 6 days I’ve been a miserable cow.  I have good reason and full justification though.  I hold my hand up in shame.  Is there a Sulkers Anonymous that I can attend?  Will it cure me?  Would I want to be cured?  I quite like a good sulk.  Although I’m not so sure that my houseguests would agree…..

It wasn’t fair on them, and I smiled very sweetly…I think.  I did try my best, in the most difficult of circumstances.  After all….tis the season to be jolly F’ la la la la la la la la la…..and I don’t DO Christmas.  They know that, so what did they expect!

I say 6 days, but I’ve had guests in one form or another for nigh on 9 days and although I LOVE my family, I do think I’ve done my bit.  Its also terribly hard to have any form of personal conversation, interaction or god forbid….sexual contact….when your every move is being watched over and scrutinized.  To be honest though, sexual contact was never on the cards, like I say, I was deeply in mid sulk, and any lustfulness or thoughts thereof were firmly elsewhere.  Nonetheless, I have to say that carnal thoughts of Daniel Craig and a couple of others that I can’t mention, did enter my head at very inopportune moments.  Preparing carrots for the Christmas feast suddenly took on a whole new pleasure 🙂

The sulking has been bought about by a very bad decision on the part of ‘R’.  He made a few bad decisions, but one was pretty major in my book of scores (its getting fairly full right now!) and Christmas Day wasn’t the day to spring this little surprise on me.  I love little surprises….usually, small and sparkly little.  This wasn’t and  lets just say…..I’m pretty sure he won’t be making the same mistake again…..

The house smells disgusting.  The dogs are eating every last morsel in sight and the odours emanating from them is enough to melt your eyelids.  I swear that I had a cold about me, and with one rather nasty waft of the mad dogs tail after a very vicious fart, my sinuses have miraculously cleared!  Now maybe I should be harnessing that aroma and bottling it, but I’m not so sure that I’m going to make my fortune that way! Mind you, as my dear old father used to say ‘where there’s muck, there’s money’ so maybe….just maybe…

I’ve seen enough of food to last the next 2 months.  Okay, maybe the next week.  But if I see another slice of chocolate fudge cake, mince pie….and pickled onion (not together…although maybe that’s where I’ve been going wrong) I shall kill.  Slowly and deliberately.   I’m not entirely sure exactly how many lbs I have gained over the past 2 weeks or so, but in that period it has been confirmed that Santa is indeed a thief.  He has stolen my cheekbones.  No seriously!  I got out of the shower, put a towel around my head and was shocked at the round tomato that had replaced my face and was now starring back at me in the mirror!  I know that only a couple of weeks ago my face was fairly ‘sculptured’….now I look like a glowing moon, and my real worry is that the rest of the body is following suit!  I daren’t actually look at it in a mirror and there is absolutely no chance of me getting onto the scales, well not until I have a ‘thin’ day.   Could be a long time then, and those scales may just gather dust….or I could use them to test my strength whilst I’m sitting on the loo; At least they’d come in handy for something!  The only saving grace is that my wrinkles are now smoother.  Funny that advertising moguls never sell ‘fat’ as a cure for wrinkles do they?   I know you can have fat injections for all those lollipop headed skinny models, but why bother?  Just stay fatter in the first place and give your money to charity….makes much more sense to me.

New Years Day and I am loving the enthusiasm that I have currently mustered.  Long may it last.  My intention is to blog more frequently…hmmm  I know I know, I’ve said that before, I’m a very bad woman and I sometimes need a kick or two…but I really AM going to this time.  YOU are going to get right into my ramblings….just you wait and see 😉

Right, am off to finish off the cold sausages from breakfast, I have a hole that needs filling and am in need of  a George Clooney fix 😉

Ps. Breakfast for 7 was pretty good….egg in the hole, sausages, bacon, beans….oh yessssssssss

Egg in the hole
‘Egg in the hole’

Responses

  1. Love it! Welcome back to the world of the creative. 🙂

    • Thank you for my kick 🙂

  2. Rest assured my size 9 will be applied on a regular basis from now on young lady! 🙂

    • \ it does not say shoes

  3. Excellent as always.. and yes…fine living does”smooth out the wrinkles”.. that’s okay!! Please continue to bless us with your gift of words.. 🙂


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