Posted by: purplediva | January 16, 2010

Age before beauty…

Lilli barked for 5 minutes, and her normally sweet little ‘yap’ was now constant and incredibly irritating.  I’d lain in bed all morning and was writing. Something I’m prone to doing more and more just lately.  Warm, comfortable, snugly, but always with a cold cup of tea beside me.  R sometimes bring me a hot cup before he leaves in the morning, but my body doesn’t wake until 2 hours after the alarm goes off, which is generally 30 minutes after R has actually left!   My time test is usually to stick my finger in the tea.  It’s far more accurate than any alarm clock, but has also proved to be messier on several occasions……..

Miss Lilli

She yaps at anything and anyone.  Terriers tend to do that. But this wasn’t for no reason as it dawned on me when the doorbell rung.  My first thought was ‘bloody postman’, I’m sure he can stuff that through the letterbox, and, rather uncharitably, ‘that’d better not be for my neighbours’, when it dawned on me……..actually it was for me.  It wasn’t the postman or any other type of delivery, but my hairdresser.   In my creative world of words, I had been totally oblivious to the fact I’d arranged an 11.30am appointment at home.  Forgetfulness was only one of a long line of middle age ‘isms’ that today was going to bestow upon me.

I hastily wrapped a dressing gown around me and snuck a quick glance in the mirror on my way to the door.  ‘A glimpse is more revealing than a stare’ oh yes, so bloody true…I was revealing a little too much, and not only what a slovenly woman I was from the tell tale black rims from the remainder of last nights mascara.  A towel draped body and dripping wet hair fresh from the shower, although not my dress of choice, for her arrival, is usually what’s awaiting her.  But today, due to my rapidly decreasing brain cells, step 1 in haggard housewife to Diva transformation has been duly skipped.

With a fresh cup of tea laden with apologies rather than the sugar she’d asked for, my hairdresser sits in the kitchen and pacifies the whining dogs and waits for me to quickly return, sparklingly clean and with sodden hair.  I’m sure I asked 3 times if she’d like sugar, but I don’t know for certain if she replied as I heard nothing at all as my eyes focused in on the sight of an unscheduled appearance of the *Lone Ranger on the worktop again, which horrified me.  I could only think that the remaining two muskateers were somewhere close by…..lurking in the shadows.  Sugar was the last thing I was thinking of.

Usually I shower and wash my hair at the same time, but time was of the essence here so I thought I’d give it a quickie over the bath….BAD move!  My darling daughter bought me a mini pack of Moulton Brown toiletries as a Christmas gift….

Molton Brown toiletries

8 lovely little bottles of travel size shower gel, shampoo, body lotion, conditioner, bubble bath etc.  I only washed it yesterday so it was only in need of a quick ‘do’.  Which it would have been had I have kept my glasses on.

Still with a partially full face of make-up on, I turned on the spray.  It was quite vicious.  More vicious than I last remembered.  It twisted and then reared up at me and managed to spray everything within a 10ft radius of the bath!  The walls, mirror, fresh towels……everything, including me, were drenched, from head to toe.  This was NOT a sexy Ursula Andress goddeess emerging from the sea in a little bikini look, this was more Dawn French in a tutu, walking through a car wash….yes, the ones with brushes! A thought that the shower might just have been the easier option sparked in my head for a fleeting moment….. and still,  I reached for the shampoo and managed one wash.  All was fine, until I reached for the conditioner…….

My fuddled little brain wouldn’t compute as to why the comb wouldn’t run with ease through my dry, middle aged, over processed, hair.  As I tried to wash away the conditioner, it wasn’t having any of it….It wasn’t budging,  just emulsifying into a thicker sludge as more water was pouring down.  With eyes full of mascara now resembling the look of a painted pierrot clown caught in a thunderstorm,

Pierrot...prettier than I was looking!

I’d inadvertently picked out the body lotion (ultrasmooth coco de mer)  rather than the hair conditioner (radiant lili pili)  Err….yes…..well, it all looks bloody obvious now!  So, another 2 shampoos and one conditioner later and my ‘quick’ do is done.   I’m certainly no ‘radiant lili pili’ and I’m in desperate need of a chocolate fix……

I don’t know what’s up with me today,  I don’t even like chocolate too much, not really…honest!  But I’ve found myself thinking about it permanently today.  No its not ‘time of the month’ I’m way too old for that.  I’m grumpy all month, one week is going to make no difference whatsoever!  Shall have to find a new hiding place for mummys secret stash of forbidden fruits because upon searching the cupboard, I realised that I had a great deal in common with Old Mother Hubbard….. (ah, I’ve just thought of somewhere….and that rabbit won’t nibble at it!)

The little box that I kept in the lounge was a large resort.  It had once been filled with Cadbury Roses, Celebrations, Ferrero Rocher…..I was hopeful of last scrap. I found that I did quite like the very last blue wrapped Cadbury Roses sweets after all.  And the yellow ones were okay.  The pink ones were raspberry creme (yuck) but eaten with the former, were palatable, but the one I just couldn’t eat was the orange wrapped one.  Yep….orange creme.  BUT… can break the solid bottom off and eat it, and then tip out the orange cream and you’re left with just the shell….hopefully!  Or you can just resort to licking the chocolate off…… Okay, it was desperation….but I NEEDED chocolate!!!

Any woman will understand this totally.  No more explanation needed 😉

Ps. My hair looks the same and the skin but the skin on my scalp is fabulously smooth….strange i’ve never noticed that before 😉

*The Lone Ranger ~ see blog Maids with Muffs for full details…………


  1. the smudged mascara only ever looked good on alice cooper …….. lol ….. and yes i magine your hair to be so smooth to the touch now … lol .. ahh whata fun filled hour that was …. chokky fixes everything .. thank god x

  2. Arrh Daisy so much fun reading your blogs …

    Our neihbour has a similar dog that just barks and barke every time they go out until they return , it’s amazing why don’t they go horse like we humans especially when we go to the football and screem all day at the game….

    Keep up the great work Jules

  3. great!!!!!!!!

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