Posted by: purplediva | April 4, 2011

The Return…….

“It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.”

‘Dress with swagger’ it stated in small print on the reverse of the invitation to the première.  The fact that I didn’t actually comprehend the concept of ‘swagger’ in the first place was a bit of a clue that I was possibly not only over the hill, but over the hill and into the next century!

I did my best.  I made an obligatory purchase of 3 pairs of shoes.  Shoes that were so ridiculously high but I swear  when I saw the shoes they called to me…”lovely lady, go on, just slip me on, with us on your feet  we’ll miraculously transform your fat, podgy little shape into the lithe body and legs of a supermodel”

Diva Shoes

I get the shoes home only to find that they are male and have lied to me.  They are in cahoots with my eyes.  They turned my swagger into a laughable stagger before I’d left even the confines of my bedroom.  Once more my eyes are lying to my body.   The only thing model like about me in these shoes is that I walk with the animated strut of a model robot.  Oh yes, one that has the proportions of R2D2 rather than C3PO!

Fat Diva Robot Swagger

So to walk with a swagger I’m in need of something of a secret weapon, and you can’t get anything much more secret than……..

Who’d have thought that such a little box would hold such pivotal importance.  I looked at it, stroked it and caressed it with as much excitement as I would have done had I known the contents might possibly have yielded a coveted ‘Tiffany’ diamond.  However, this little box would spawn a Tiffany box with a slightly different significance, but to a woman just about to launch into her 50th year, would be just as life affirming as to any young nubile about to give her soul to one man who she believes will be her everything for the rest of her days.

Mixing the first of the 2 stage colour process in the little dish made me smile like a cat that got the cream.  The sheer joy of knowing that in little more than 30 minutes The Diva would be back to her full glory gave me the kind of anticipatory rush that I’ve only ever read about.  Minikini should be obligatory for all ‘invisible’ women.  Our own little secret that just makes you wonder……

I haven’t been ‘The PurpleDiva’ in all my glory for some months now.  For those of you who may have wondered if I’d dropped off the face of the earth well I haven’t ……for those of you who wished I had….hahaha….  I’m BACK, and in EVERY sense of the words!

First I was afraid

I was petrified

Kept thinking I could never live

without you by my side

But I spent so many nights

thinking how you did me wrong

I grew strong

I learned how to carry on

Oh yes, tis the mantra on the lips of every divorcee, and once again I am honorary club member.  So if you’ve wondered what happened to ‘La Diva’ well, in a nutshell she was abducted by aliens again, that fucked with her mind, shook her life upside down, inside out and then without so much as a diazepam (although they did allow morphine!) shoved me out on the street to fend for myself and get on with it.  All in the space of a few months!!!

Apparently the most difficult times of our lives are dealing with a death, divorce or decamping (yes, moving/relocating to normal people but it didn’t begin with ‘D’ so didn’t fit!) and I’ve had two of those at once and often feared the third.  Well not so much feared, but almost welcomed it.

It has been a ‘trying’ few months.  Certain forces tried to break me.  I’ve had the most outrageous accusations, unjustly thrust at me from those closest to me, and have met deep betrayal from places I never would’ve imagined.  But it’s quite true how people’s true colours show in times of duress.  I have found that my real friends have been the most unlikely ones and yet those I thought would be there for me turned against me.  How sad.  Couldn’t see what’s right in front of their noses.  It’s their loss.

But woohoohoo….It didn’t break me, I’m here, stronger, ‘bigger’ and fucking formidable.  God help ANYONE that tries to tell me otherwise.

Just watch my swagger now B I A T C H  😉


  1. Does that mean La Diva needed an extra long staff for swaggering?

    • What with my ‘Wonka Sticks’….I take pole dancing to a whole new level 😉

  2. Welcome back Diva. You have been sorely missed. 🙂

    • In some quarters my silence has no doubt been quite refreshing….they’re in for a shock…BIG time!

  3. Good to see you again, oh Great Purple One! Looking forward to reading your new, hilarious blogs!

    • Tis good to be back and battering my nails on the keyboard….oh I have such tales to tell but I’m not sure if I’m yet brave enough (or stupid enough!) to spill the beans on all….ooh how I’d love to, but watch this space……..

  4. The long awaited return! Nice to have the fiesty one in da house! X

  5. Welcome back, darling Diva … we have really, REALLY missed you ((((( hugs )))))

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