Posted by: purplediva | October 10, 2012

Hair today…gone tomorrow


Wow, this may come as a surprising admission to you from me…I AM NOT PERFECT!

I have hair.  In places that apparently I am not supposed to…oh gawd, so shoot me now.  Today, I have been offended very deeply by someone so close to me that it’s cut me to the quick, although it’s not the first time I have been publicly offended by this revelation by a male of the species in this quite brutal way.  Indeed someone did once dare say to me (after I had stupidly uttered the phrase “I actually have to wax my moustache now”) “why didn’t you do your beard” to which I threw him the kind of look that could have soured milk but I’m sad to say didn’t actually have the required taser stun gun effect I’d been hoping for as his lips continued to move when I replied “I don’t have a bloody beard”…”oh yes you do” kind of spurted venomously from his lips, and had me turning on the spot in a miss piggy kind of fashion but without the swish of  long hair as I hastily exited from the vile character and ventured to look for a mirror and bright sunlight.

I was more than mortified to discover by the bloody magic that is the f’ing magnifying mirror (that came free a few months ago with mascara that I’d craved) that I did indeed have a little bit of a beard.  Well…wisps.  It’s the bloody Manopause OK!!  I’m ‘that’ age now so it comes with the territory.  But that little comment now has me glued to that magnifying mirror for far more minutes than I need to be every damn morning, searching for elusive shoots of hairs and the follicles about to burst through so that I can catch the buggers before eruption onto my podgy, hairy and less than perfect little face.

Shaving my love for you.....

Shaving all my love for you…..

From today that mirror (in fact any bloody mirror) WILL make me paranoid.

My beautiful male friend has today succeeded in making me feel like a lardy English blob.

I’ve been here in Tunisia for a couple of weeks now and prior to arrival was well groomed and almost preened to perfection.  Not bad for a fifty year old, AND I do it all myself (economy and necessity).  I’ve managed to keep up the good work whilst here, and had just bought some cold waxing strips locally so that I could tackle the Yeti that I’m turning into.  I thought I’d start with the face, as it’s a place I’m au fait with and have ‘been’ before with this stuff.

I casually told the beautiful ‘M’ that I was going to attempt this and that maybe he’d like to be hands on in the process? He said “are you going to do all of that hair too”

“err…what hair?”

“the hair down your face”

“I don’t have hair ‘down’ my face!!” I replied now looking quite horrified that I’d not ever noticed I was indeed turning into Yeti woman….

“yes you do…” he gestured to the fine, downy hair which for the past 50 years has graced my rapidly disappearing cheek bones.  No man has ever disliked the way I look because I have very fine, almost invisible hair on my face…its natural…WOMAN!!

Not content with offending me in both comment and manner in which it was delivered, he then followed it up with “all women here get rid of that hair.  Oh and the hair on their arms”

I was about to go and put on a little mascara and lip gloss.  It’s all I actually wear daily on my face when I’m away, but I couldn’t bear to look at my face in the mirror at all…ANY mirror.  Then I realised that I had a tiny little one in my handbag.  I could just see my eye and that’s all.  Perfect.  No chance of Yeti woman or Ewok staring back at me today…. Tomorrows another day.

My plan has always been to start a new life here. Life begins at 50 and all that.

Maybe ‘here’ isn’t for me after all then……

I am not perfect.

Yeti Woman

Yeti or Ewok?


Responses

  1. Tell your not-so-perfect *friend* to piss off and then find one who admires you for your many attributes and unimportant imperfections.

    • I sulked for pretty much most of the day, forever fondling my face to ‘feel for beard’ at every opportunity. I still insist…I DO NOT HAVE A BEARD!! and yes…I think the message has been received loud and clear 😉

  2. We love you just as you are , we all have the similar problems when we reach our Fifties and on … I would hope that he loves you for you and not these little bit’s of fluff, after all you are what attracted him to you wasn’t it !!


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